I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Panties = found
Randomize
