guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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