remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
