I will die if light touches me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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