I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
