I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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