Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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