just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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