I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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