I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
