i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
