Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize