She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and she was petting her beer can
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
