We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
