oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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