I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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