My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
