You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
