whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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