I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
