Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
