Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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