Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize