I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
