i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
