I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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