OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
