My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
