Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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