This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
