is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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