Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
