i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
