Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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