My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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