So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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