I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
