i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
