I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
