You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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