He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
