I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
