Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
