I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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