Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
