Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize