he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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