i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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