My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
