Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
