I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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