I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize