I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
