I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
