Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
