the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
