The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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