i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
