if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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