I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
