Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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