I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize