yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
