i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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