I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it glows. i had to have it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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