And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
