and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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