How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
